Ask a Boy: A***, Top Knots, and Plutonic Boyfriends

Welcome to our new column,  Ask a Boy. Our BFF/bassist of Maps and Atlases, Shiraz Dada, answers your questions about everything and anything like only a real-deal, blunt MF knows how – wit da truf. 

I’ve been in an interracial relationship for three years how do I tell my my “super-Jew” parents?

If you’re in love and you see it going somewhere, suck it up, dive in, and be honest. Tell them you need to speak to them both about something important, in person if possible, and lay it all on them. You’re an adult and, ultimately, your choices regarding your life are final.
They probably will unload all over you, but be strong and stick it out. The very best way for you to handle it is to be calm and not let their anger waver you. A clear headed, even keeled approach throughout their possible aggressive diatribes will only make you seem even more able to make appropriate choices in your life. They will come to terms with your decision eventually.

Do boys really like anal?

A boy would fuck your ears if it would fit.

Why do guys hate top knots?

Whats a top knot?? {{{Ok, I googled it.}}} I think they’re pretty hot!

A male friend of a friend asked me(a female) out on a blind platonic hang out (via Twitter, obvi). We went and he sucked. He’s been asking me to hang out again so we can be each other’s wing person. Oh, and he’s supposedly dating someone. I have no interest in him but I’m shocked he isn’t interested in me. Is he gay? Am I ugly? Is this his schtick? Can adult men and women just be friends?

The answer could be YES to all of your questions. Maybe he is gay, but I think you’d have figured that out during your hang sesh. Also, you’d probably have had a better time if he was. Maybe he doesn’t find you attractive, but he enjoyed your company. Going out with a girl friend when you are a guy is a really great way to meet girls and get on the spot advice/opinions. Plus it makes you look less creepy. And yea, maybe its his schtick. Maybe he has some really well devised plan that ends with him having sex with you.
Its hard to say exactly what it is that he is doing. But it comes down to the fact that he is no fun, so don’t waste your time being his wing woman. It is possible for men and women to be JUST friends. But its a lot easier after you’ve boned.

I went out with this dude this weekend. He told me I was the rudest person he’s ever met. “Full blown AIDS rude”, to quote him directly. Then, while we were waiting for the train and I was in the middle of telling a story, he PUT HIS HEADPHONES ON, but just one earbud cause he “really wanted to hear that song.” I thought that was pretty “full blown AIDS rude” but he thought it was NBD. So, he wants to hang out again. Yes or No?

Yes, you’ll likely never do better and you should marry him, obviously.
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