I Woke Up Like This aka Why I'm Not Married Yet

A group of people standing next to each other.

So I’m coming back home with my coffee, and there’s this really attractive guy catching my eye. I know I’ve seen him somewhere before, but can’t quite place it.

Meanwhile, I look like a Cathy comic who accidentally moved to Paris — striped tee, skinny jeans, and hair doing its best Encino Man wig impression. Oh, and I forgot to take off my makeup last night, so one eye’s rocking full-on mascara raccoon chic.

Why leave the house like this?

Because Starbucks is two blocks away and apparently, I have delusions of invisibility.

Spoiler alert: this is also why I’m single.

After staring for about 10 seconds (definitely socially unacceptable), I realize it’s James Franco. Never had a crush on him before, but now? Dude’s weirdly hot. Like, “please don’t look at me” hot.

I open my apartment door, still lowkey ogling him and his… whatever that was — agent? Manager? Wingman? Not sure. Then BAM — I literally run into my building crush who’s been avoiding me for two years.

Okay, he did once lend me his umbrella, so maybe not full-on hatred, but close.

I blurt out “sorry!” like I just confessed to a crime, and he keeps walking like I’m invisible.

Yep. Totally normal day.

How’s your Friday going?