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Don’t Believe the Hype

Thanks to Intonation Fest, back in the Summer of 06, I became completely addicted to Sparks. I drank that shit like it was water and even went as far as to partake in the invention of a Sparks float.
I was so “sparked” that night/morning, I wrote the company to share the recipe. The next morning, I proceeded to work on two hours of sleep, sans hangover. At about Noon, I crashed, readily awaiting my next orange delight.
After a month and a half of this cycle and the onset of a Sparks belly, I quit cold turkey.

Since that summer, the notion to get back on the Sparks wagon hadn’t occurred until this past weekend. At a house party in Logan Square, I saw someone mixing a Sparks with a King Cobra. When I asked what he was doing he said, “Hyper Vyper, man!”.
Apparently, Hyper Viper is the drink of choice this summer. The King Cobra cuts the disgusting sweetness of the Sparks and helps to get you twice as wasted.
The drink both scared and intrigued me, so I googled it to find out more. I wasn’t surprised when I found out this death-wish-in-a-bottle was created in the Midwest. According to the Urban Dictionary, Hyper Viper originated in Cleveland, Ohio. Though, I couldn’t find out who I should credit this summer’s hipster libation to, I can only assume it was by someone as addicted to Sparks as I was.
Now that I think about it, I’m really not interested in heart palpitations, Sparks mouth and another Sparks belly. In case you care, Sparks Plus (390 calories) + 40oz of King Cobra (561 calories) = 951 calories a.k.a less mini shorts and fitted deep v’s.
No thanks, I’ll stick to my new alcohol obsessions: Champagne and/or Effen Black Cherry & Sodas.

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  • This is a terribly, terribly good idea.

    I too, was hooked on Sparks after Intonation… so many orange-stained faces.

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