Here's some advice, Stephanie Vorhees: Learn how to label/mail/stamp an envelope. It's not hard. It doesn't require your finance degree. Hell, it doesn't require more than a simple brain synapse. I get it: this is your first big fashion job, but really? Really?! You, miss, are an account executive; what the hell is wrong with you?

In other People's Revolution happenings: One (uncouth) fashion girl is all offended-like when Emily tells her to stop snapping gum (disgusting, to be sure); Nic(h)olas Petrou is a major asshole posing as a high-power gay; and if there was any doubt before, there isn't now: Kelly Cutrone knows how to do her fucking job.

Exhibit A: At Petrou's showroom, she takes charge with his racks of "clothes." Pulling her I've-done-this-for-years-and-this-is-what-they'll-say-sucks schtick, Kelly kicks ass and takes names. "These are cool but no one will wear them. I like avant garde, but no one else does. Don't show these." Hell. Yes. I just wish she came out and said how ugly everything was. Cuz it's true.

Exhibit B: She not only threatened (and followed through) on a small claims lawsuit on Petrou, she then proceeded to Facebook about it immediately following the phone call. With a smile. Don't mess with Kelly: She will cut you.

Anything I missed? Am I the only one addicted to the show?

[1] Lollapalooza may be seven months and two seasons away but that doesn't stop insiders from revealing three of its headliners: Lady Gaga, Green Day and Soundgarden. Time to get excited, people. Source: The Daily Swarm

[2] Nerds are great in general. Nerds in Na'vi blue are badass. Source: The Atlantic's Daily Dish

[3] I hope to frekkin' god Betty White hosts SNL. Source: Ministry of Gossip

[4] "Mommy, why is that MySize Ken Doll homeless?" How did I miss this last week? Hilarious. Source: Vice Magazine

[5] Food porn, indeed. NSFW: Tacos, tattoos, tittays: All in convenient book form! Source: Huffington Post

[1] Thanks, guys, for putting an end to the madness. Source: The Lady Likes

[2] Holy shit. Start buying a ton of music so that you can be one of MILLIONS who doesn't win the insanely awesome gift card a la iTunes. Source: Apple song counter

[3] New York is soooo cutting edge. Design and safe sex? Sign us up! Source: UnBeige

[4] Let's not pretend: we all have an affected taste for album covers. They're retro! They're vintage! They can be melted into bowls! Well, here are some funny-ish photos. Source: Toxel.com

[5] Racy cleaners. Happy Monday. Source: CBS News

He had me at Room for Squares and lost me when he started dating "Maniston" and now he has me again.

The internets is in an uproar about John Mayer's recent Playboy article. The singer/songwriter reveals TMI about his sex life, amongst other things, and with that comes his feelings about ex-girlfriend, Jessica Simpson.  He says, "Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, "I want to quit my life and just fuckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.". If I received that sentiment in a Valentine's card I would probably ask the guy to marry me.

And though that might be the hottest thing I have heard in a while, I can still admit that Mayer is a dick so let's just focus on the sexy shiz during this love-filled week.

[1] Move over, Mary Kate, you're blocking my view: Is an online Fashion Week a sign of the times? Yes. Yes it is. The likes of Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, Rodarte and Alexander Wang will be live streaming their shows, giving us proletariat a glimpse of their collections before they hit stores. Hey, it's an excuse to dress up in sweats/Snuggies and pretend like you're chatting up Anna (cuz that's how you roll). Source: NY Daily News

[2] Marc Jacobs' show online: awesome. QVC on the red carpet: WTF?! That's right, friends: the ubiquitously lame QVC shopping network will be at the Oscars. The horror! The humanity! The... hammered stretch bracelet by Issac Mizrahi? The "democratization of fashion" aside, this is just wacky. Simply wacky. Source: LA Times

[3] Frankly, I've been waiting all year for this. Time to plan! Chiditarod!

[4] Hows about a little nostalgia on a fine, frigid Thursday? Sweet Valley High will soon make a comeback on bookshelves everywhere. This time around, though, Jessica and Elizabeth will be in their 20s. Enough to warm the cockles of your cold, black heart? Maybe; here's hoping one is a whore and the other took up a drug problem at Sweet Valley University. Light reading, indeed. Source: Jezebel

[5] As lame as it is to "join" things on Facebook, this is by far the most important page you need to join. Like, now.